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Taste of You [Sunday
June 18th, 2006
Taste of You

The taste of you is sour on my tongue because
I can't touch you and your lips are out of limits
The depressive forces of gravity
Rains down heavy thoughts of you
The rain leaves streaks on the glass
I see through
Drowing out the rest of the world
The place beyond my spectacles
Is nothing but a marblized facade
Warping to push me further into
A cage until the bars collapse
To flood the sences with complatentcy
Horror is extending its grip
As I lie about myu room
Chewing on the air pressing
Down my tongue
As I begin to beg
The gods
To let me dream of you tonight
For that is one of my few salvations
We're like twin infinities
Spinning independently
Casting off stardust
As we swim into the abyss of starlight
Rippling reality
Weaving a dreamscape like no other
It's just you
And just me
In infinity

I'm feeling very bitter and i really could use talking to someone who cares right now. My stomach is unsettled and my heart is hurting. I miss Rose . . .
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A poem for someone new and special [Tuesday
March 7th, 2006

Let you be my angel
With untethered wings
Free from the earth
Let your wings
Cast so brilliantly in silver
Lift me
Cut off the wings of lead
Bound fast to me
Tying me to the ground
Which I so wish to leave
Let the world
Hear our voice
In unison for the first time
So they may feel what we feel
Let them be envious
Let them be angry
Let them be happy
Let them be nostalgic
Let them be themselves
But we'll never
Let them stop us
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A poem for someone I hold close to my heart, nomatter how dumb it may be to love her [Friday
March 3rd, 2006
Song Bird

Come back to me and sing like the bird on the tree that warbles its sad yet sultry song seemingly only for me

And let your heart resound upon my chest in an echoing beat upon the whole of existence

And the thoughts of your desire bring me closer to an end as you throw me off what i was once before

Quietly, I hear the words resound in my ears as though they never existed at all

And all I can do is remember those words

Till nothing is left

All I can do is remember those words
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well, once again life sucks [Friday
February 17th, 2006
OK, so Katie decided that it was best for her if she stayed away from me for a while. ... If it makes her truely happy then I agree. She knows I love her. I just wish she didn't do this to me. She said I was suffocating her, though I really don't understand how to be honest, no matter how I wrap myself around that riddle, I don't understand how I was emotionally binding in anyway. All I really wanted to do was talk to her every once in a while, perferably once a day, I would of been fine with just 10 minutes, but appearently that was too much for her I guess. And even then I never really did anything to her saying that she couldn't do this, she couldn't do that .. ok I did with some things (i.e.- drugs) but as long as it didn't fall into that area I really never did anything to restrict her freedom .. I just wish she realized that. I don't even know if anyone will read this, but I have to write it. I know only a few things for sure in life, one is I love Katie more than anything or anyone. The second is that if I were to see someone else right now, I'd brake up with them the moment she said she wanted to go back out with me, no matter the circumstances. And the third is that I reallllly hate bell peppers, though that's a little irrelavent isn't it? Now don't get me wrong, this could of been avoided if I had wanted to be stubborn, but as we all know I am far too in love with her to be stubborn with her. She gave me the choice of having her stay with me and her be unhappy, or her be happy and away from me. I love her too much to cause her unhappiness .. once again I'm the one that has to sacrifice the blood so to speak (don't get me wrong here, I haven't cut myself on purpose or anything like that, thats just stupid .. though I did want to, oh how I wanted to cut my throat free from blood and let my life essence spill upon the floor). I just wish I knew how to help, despite the fact that she said only she can help herself.

Well, I have to go now.
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7th day [Tuesday
January 17th, 2006
[ mood | worried ]

well, its the 7th day since I haven't heard anything at all from katie .. and this really sux. her mom still won't tell me anything except that she'll have katie call me when she gets back and that she knows where she is. I'm so fucking worried ~_~

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sometimes [Friday
January 6th, 2006
heh... i wish i could say anything about how i'm feeling, but unfortunately, if i say anything i'm afraid i'll make something worse. but on the bright side of things, if things are going badly for me, it's going well for someone else, which cheers me up .. kind of.

i just feel lost.
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hio [Wednesday
January 4th, 2006
[ mood | contemplative ]

hello everybody,

yesterday, before work i wrote my last journal. today, i feel a bit better. If only because i realized that, a break, (while stupid I think) is nessary sometimes. I personally need to call the college i was going to, and ask them for another aplication because i think i lost it :\ oh well, i still need to get that done and shizzit and what not ... hmm ... well i still don't like this break ~.~ but i guess i'll just grumble in silence.

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January 3rd, 2006
[ mood | depressed ]

so, my gf decided to have us take a "break".

god i hate it. I feel so more alone than i've ever been. i don't even know what is going on or why she is acting like this. all i know is that it chokes at my heart with a death grip. I love her so much, not being able to talk to her .. just feels so inhumane. it was my only escape and now ... this just sucks. if only she knew, she might realize what's she's doing. but i promised not to talk to her in any shape so, i'll just have to sit, and wait, and weep.

katie, if you read this, i love you and please just feel better soon.

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One wordyness [Monday
December 26th, 2005
Please leave a one-word comment that you think best describes me.

It can only be one word.

No more.

Then copy & paste this in your journal so that I may leave a word about you.
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December 20th, 2005
Arty Kid

Whether you were a drama freak or an emo poet, you definitely were expressive and unique.

You're probably a little less weird these days - but even more talented!

You're a Romantic Kisser

For you, kissing is all about feeling the romance
You love to kiss under the stars or by the sea
The perfect kiss involves the perfect mood
It's pretty common for kisses to sweep you off your feet

You Have a Melancholic Temperament

Introspective and reflective, you think about everything and anything.
You are a soft-hearted daydreamer. You long for your ideal life.
You love silence and solitude. Everyday life is usually too chaotic for you.

Given enough time alone, it's easy for you to find inner peace.
You tend to be spiritual, having found your own meaning of life.
Wise and patient, you can help people through difficult times.

At your worst, you brood and sulk. Your negative thoughts can trap you.
You are reserved and withdrawn. This makes it hard to connect to others.
You tend to over think small things, making decisions difficult.

Your Seduction Style: Au Natural

You rank up there with your seduction skills, though you might not know it.
That's because you're a natural at seduction. You don't realize your power!
The root of your natural seduction power: your innocence and optimism.

You're the type of person who happily plays around and creates a unique little world.
Little do you know that your personal paradise is so appealing that it sucks people in.
You find joy in everything - so is it any surprise that people find joy in you?

You bring back the inner child in everyone you meet with your sincere and spontaneous ways.
Your childlike (but not childish) behavior also inspires others to care for you.
As a result, those who you befriend and date tend to be incredibly loyal to you.

The Movie Of Your Life Is A Cult Classic

Quirky, offbeat, and even a little campy - your life appeals to a select few.
But if someone's obsessed with you, look out! Your fans are downright freaky.

Your best movie matches: Office Space, Showgirls, The Big Lebowski

You are a Believer

You believe in God and your chosen religion.
Whether you're Christian, Muslim, Jewish, or Hindu..
Your convictions are strong and unwavering.
You think your religion is the one true way, for everyone.

... ok well that one err well ya, i'm technically a wiccan/buddhist or something like that, err anyways ..
You Are 70% Weird

You're so weird, you think you're *totally* normal. Right?
But you wig out even the biggest of circus freaks!

You Are Not Scary

Everyone loves you. Isn't that sweet?
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fwwweeee!!!! [Tuesday
November 29th, 2005
[ mood | estatic! ]

2005-11-29 11:21 pm UTC (link)
holy mother of mercy, what the hell can i say.
You are probably one of the most amazing people i have ever met for sure.
and you know it.
and it seems i'm one of the only people who makes you blush on a regular basis.
and the thing is, you dont know when i blush.

you dont actually know how much you mean to me. you're just..

so.. fucking good for me.

you're sturdy.
and you shower me with way too many gifts that i dont deserve. some material, some just things you say, some that i wont ever forget, but the thing is,

i can't tell you exactly how many things i adore about you. because everytime i hear your voice (every motherfucking dayyy) there's about fourty-three more added."

katie you always know how to make me smile

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November 24th, 2005
[ mood | happy ]

well, this i wrote for katie at work yesterday. I hope at least she likes it, i'm not sure i'd call it a poem though.

Katie, there's people I love and then there's you. Love is to narrow of a term to describe the breth and longing of my emotions. Infinite patience and unfathomable kindness and devotion are reserved only for you in my heart and soul.

CATCH PHRASE OF THE DAY: When infinity isn't enough, look for me.

Words don't really seem enough ... but that hasn't stopped me from trying has it?

Truth be told, I count the minutes that we're appart. Each minute ticks away echoing through my mind like a clock counting down to doom's day. The clock has a hollow sound; it chimes every hour taunting me and reminding me of your absence.

ok well, more than likely i'm going to read this to her over the phone next chance i get ^^;; even though she'll probably read this today, i dun care. i'm still going to read it to her.

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WOOT!!! [Thursday
October 27th, 2005
[ mood | sleepy ]

I have a job! Which is freaking sweet. Anyways, I have to get going, I have to get back to the job at 3pm for training.

... WOOT!

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The way things go are often perplexing [Thursday
October 27th, 2005
[ mood | determined ]

Ok, I'm not sure what to say really. A lot of stuff has happened in the past few days. Mostly conserning my love, Katie. She wants to come here, but her mom enjoys making her misrible or something, so, unless she runs away, that seems impossible. I still plan on going with her to Cali next year. If I had to look at this objectively, our only really big problem is her mom. Onry old woman XP.

I don't know what the future holds, but I do know I have the power to change it. If I were to die today, it would be all for naught. SO, oviously, dying is out of the question. No time for depression anymore, love. It's time for action. So, I'll get a job. Might not be much action, but it will allow me to do what's needed.

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just another day in a life of a stranger [Saturday
October 8th, 2005
[ mood | blah ]

well yesterday was pretty good, the game i was hosting last night went very well. all the players want me to write up the story as fast as i can so they can play it again.

today just feels blah. i dunno, maybe its because i just wokeup or today is just not gonna be good, I don't know.

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Just another day [Thursday
October 6th, 2005
[ mood | restless ]

OK today, well, nothing really happened.

Tomorrow though, I'll have to wake up early to go to the dentist and get two cavities done. Thats what I get for not brushing my teeth as often as I should. Oh well. I'm also hosting a game of d20 Modern(d20 modern is a new form of D&D that i like becuase its based in the now and the future and past, well it encompasses everything) tomorrow. ^__^ I even have a script for me to follow. Here it is.

Chapter 1
You are all inside a locker room hurriedly getting ready for your next assignment, being a member of the Rangers can be very aggravating some times. They called you all in at 3:00 AM for an emergency mission. They said it was urgent and you all had to come to work immediately. With little other details you go.

“Hey, guys!” Barry was in way too good of a mood for this early in the morning. “I wonder what our mission is and why it’s so urgent. Maybe we get to clear out some lower town of a Scourge invasion.” The Scourge is practically the entire reason the Rangers were created. They are monsters that appeared out of nowhere about 70 years ago and they still haven’t stopped appearing. They only seem to be growing en-mass.

After you’re all suited up, your commanding officer is on the PA asking you to come to her office A.S.A.P. When you reach her office she calls you all to attention.

“ATTENTION! Today you will all finally be able to prove your mettle. I know the petty assignments you’ve had before were less than worthy of skills such as yours, guard duty and the such in virtually Scourgeless areas. Today your assignment is to guard a supply shipment train heading towards Ishmeha Base. I have received information that the Ishmeha railway is flourishing with Scourge as of late; it is your job to clear the tunnel and guard the line. Unfortunately, you have a time limit. The shipment is on an automatic timer that cannot be undone. Believe me, I’ve tried myself. If you leave immediately, you’ll have about 20 minutes to finish, I’m sure it’s not that bad. I am aware of how badly you can get lost sometimes so I’ll have Private Barry lead the way. Good luck and dismissed.”

Barry leads you all to the entrance of the tunnel, the stench is foul coming from it, you can even feel the hate emanating from it. Barry speaks up after a moment “Oh great gods, that would choke a rat! Well, I guess we’ll just have to wear bandana’s over our noses, hope you all have something like it, if not I have a few extra.” Barry then hands over bandanas to all the players without any already.

{Players may now press on as they wish; 50ft in they spot a group of what they believe to be called orcs according to their training. There are an infinite number (groups of 6) of them until either Barry die’s or 10 turns pass}

{If Barry dies} As you watch you’re ally fall as the orc’s blade-like hand runs through him, you think you hear something. It’s the train. In a moment of panic you all rush to the edges and attempt to fend off the idiotic orcs as they relentlessly attack you still. The train smashes into the orcs, splattering their remains everywhere. In a brief moment you all realize that the reason the orcs were here. They were trying to build a home in the tunnel. The fools. They blocked the train completely. It erupts into the small shambles of homes and smashes them to bits, while also derailing the train. It crashes into the wall.
{If Barry lives past 10 turns} As you fight your way through wave after wave of seemingly endless orcs, you hear something in the distance. In disbelief, it’s the train, speeding way beyond normal speeds. In what seems to be a second the train instantly crashes into the orcs while you dash to the sides barely escaping the train. Barry wasn’t as quick though as you see him splatter against the train, you were all splatter with his blood, his gun getting logged under the wheels of the train causing it to derail and crash into the wall.

After a while in the fetal position trying to cover your head. You all are surprised to find each other miraculously alive, except Barry of course.

You’re all astonished to find that the wall collapsed into itself and revealed an opening. You all look around for options but find that the way you came is blocked and find the other way blocked as well. The only sane solution is to go through the opening.

{Pitch-black room}
When the light flickers on you see what appear to be ruins that you hear of the military destroying from time to time. Your eyes scan the room. There are murals all over the walls depicting something you don’t even know what you could describe as. It’s people; people living above the ground. Something blue was above them, and in the blue was a bright yellow orb. The people all look happy beneath the rays. You have absolutely no idea what you’re looking at, but it seems familiar, like some primal memory. You know no one would believe you without proof. {Players may photograph/relief draw}

{Crypt crawl}

After a long while and a few more groups of scourge you’d prefer to see, you finally make it to someplace your familiar with. It’s the back entrance to a remote Ranger’s compound that you were first assigned to. As you open the doors you hear the blare of Scourge alarms going through the compound. {All players Spot check DC 10; Reflex check DC 10, Reflex check DC 15 for half if failed spot check. If succeeding in spot and reflex no damage} A auto turret pops down 30 feet in front of you from the ceiling, and a blast of fire shoots from its nozzle. {The damage is 3d6 and sets targets on fire if hit} Luckily there’s a hall to your right, which you all jump towards hoping you’re fast enough. {Listen check DC 12} You hear people running towards you.

{Allow the players to choose to run or stay}

{They run} You all run till you can’t run anymore, and then you run some more. Turning corridors and into rooms that you don’t quite remember. Eventually you hit a dead end and you hear the running steps getting closer. “Oh great Gods, you guys? And you had me running that much for nothing.” It’s Barry to your dismay.

{They stay} The running steps get closer.
“Whew, thought you guys were Scourge.” It’s Barry to your dismay. “Sometimes they manage to break through this door. Not sure how though, most of the Scourge I’ve seen has been particularly stupid.” Barry looks at you all carefully. “Geez, you guys look like you’ve seen a ghost.”
{Invite the players to explain what you saw happen to him a while ago}

“What are you talking about? I’ve been stationed here the day of that big train accident. Sad about that, Ishmeha has really been suffering because of that.”

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First Journal [Wednesday
October 5th, 2005
[ mood | complacent ]

Hello everybody!!
Oviously this is my first journal, so I want to hit it off wit a lil bang, so here's a poem i just wrote in a friends comment, I sincerely hope it touches some of you on a personal level, but i'll be fine if u just read it XD

The Scars that Bind Us

We get cut again and again
We get bleed once more
We find the world spinning round again
We find the spirit drained again

But we always come together
The scars that bind us
Will never be undone
All these scrapes and cuts
Will never be undone

Bleeding away our sorrow
Cutting away our pain
nothing can bring back our purity
so we seem to drift apart

But we always come together
The scars that bind us
Will never be undone
All these scrapes and cuts
Will never be undone

Our screams so silent
Yet so loud to us
No one ever seems to hear us
So we run

But we always come together
The scars that bind us
Will never be undone
All these scrapes and cuts
Will never be undone

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